Letters to liches, postcards to phantasms, crates to centaurs, the Netherworld Post Office moves a tremendous amount of mail every day.
“I need to get this delivered literally yesterday.”
Time travel is among the most popular mail requests, but it can be tricky business. Can the Post ensure they do not create a paradox? Or, as necessary, ensure they do?
“I live in the ocean, can you get this parcel into outer space?”
Beyond the challenges of enormous distances, can wet mail be secured against the ravages of space? Can a parcel be protected against pressure fluxuations from 1,000 atmopsheres to 0?
“I need to get this letter to the magma chambers of a volcano.”
Creatures of the Netherworld are composed of many physical states, and some have no mass at all — existing purely as negative eldritch energy. Can all be served equally?
“Can this be done?” Yes. All day, every day.
The Netherworld Post Office operates via a system of strategically placed way stations connected to one another via roads, bat and broomstick flightpaths, teleport spells, rivers (including but not limited to water, mystical energy, magma), and countless other means.
Each way station processes the incoming mail by marking the type, then encoding the destination along with any known properties of the recipient and terminus. We won’t deliver a vampire’s mail at high noon, nor will we send out beach mail at low tide. Postage is verified, similar mail is grouped, and within a few hours, each group is enchanted and passed to the next way station appropriate for its journey.
Push, Split, Deliver
The nature of grouped mail differs wildly on each collection shift. The priority is ensuring pieces get their safely — letters to gorgons encased in lava tubes will ship separately from parcels enclosed in enchanted ice blocks for winter trolls, even if they are both bound for the moon.
At each way station, mail groupings either shrink or grow as they are split or merged, and as individual pieces are removed for local route delivery by the skilled monsters, ghosts, witches, and villains that strive for an ever more efficient system.