Monster Spa Day

The village of Peyroux is protected by a permanent Sanctum spell. As such, it is not uncommon for mortal enemies to linger comfortably in the same establishment — especially at Bat Heart Spa.

“Oh you were so brilliant last week!” “Why thank you! How did you ever survive the dungeon? Especially –” They exclaimed together, “The Dread Fire Beasts of Level Thirteen!” Both hero and villain laughed.

Villainy, heroism, and the wide spectrum between the two are passionate careers that often last one’s entire life (and beyond). On the outside, it may seem a bit odd to socialize and even relax with those who you are seeking to destroy or those seeking to destroy you, but quite honestly, it helps maintain a positive attitude and builds community spirit. Evil and Good are both necessary and wonderful.

SOURDOUGH ENJOYS A SCALP MASSAGE, A WEREWOLF IS GROOMED, HAM CONTEMPLATES HER NEXT PAMPERING, A MERMAID ENJOYS A squeeze.

Mud baths and massages are the most common treatments, easing skin and scales, and working knots out of tired and bruised muscles. Healing and restorative potions are also mixed into bandages and wraps.

Beyond recoveries, at Bat Heart, the order of the day is pampering. The staff have centuries of experience in ensuring all wants and needs are met. Octopi with incredibly strong tentacles can practically tie you in knots and staff witches have nail polishes with dizzying effects. Strength? Done. Luck? Just as easy. For monsters, a variety of treatments put polishes on scales and remove worn or broken plates. These treatments are especially popular with gorgons and mermaids who often share appointments.

Treatments for the undead vary. Skeletons are taken apart and polished, while liches and zombies are buried in grave dirt from far away lands. Rare stones and jewels are embedded into the dirt and potions are poured on top to make delicious and protective muds. The incorporeal are passed through shimmering mists, while living shadows are given quiet areas just out of reach of refreshing candle light.

“Another root beer?” “Oh, yes please, thank you.” Catering is provided of course. Black Heart Spa does not keep a kitchen, but they have pixies on staff who fly all over Peyroux to fill food and drink orders.

“Ham! They have a deep sea scrub… but how do you scrub the sea? I don’t know if it is possible to scrub the actual sea? Am I too delicate?” Petrus Calderón, a lich fresh from the mud baths, asked his wife, Magma “Ham” Hamilton Flamingo, a gorgon, as they browsed the couples menu. He flexed his arms ineffectually.

On the outside, it may seem a bit odd to socialize and even relax with those who you are seeking to destroy or those seeking to destroy you, but quite honestly, it helps maintain a positive attitude and builds community spirit. Evil and Good are both necessary and wonderful.

Smiling, the gorgon wrapped her strong arms around her husband’s neck, her serpentine tail around his legs, and laid her head lovingly on his shoulder. “No, my love. They wrap you in sea weeds, but here on land in the spa.”

“You are brilliant, my honey Ham.” Adoringly, one of Hamilton’s strands of snake hair nipped gently at Petrus.

Beyond skin, scale, and nail care, the Spa has specialists handling shaving, hair styling, and make up. Whether you are aiming to look like a scream queen or something from a haunted dream, the staff is happy to help.

For day-to-day customers, these services are the most popular. Many monsters lack hands and washing one’s hair or fur can be difficult with hero-sundering claws. And make up looks fantastic on everyone, but if you have wings instead of hands, it can be difficult to apply.

Fashion shifts rapidly in the Netherworld. Mermaids make long hair popular, then ghosts charm everyone with incorporeality and everyone is knocking on the Potion Maker’s Authority for Temporarily Phase into Undeath spells. Dryads will start sauntering around town with orchids or lilies curling around their ears, and witches will tie their hair into up-dos with lichen, bones, and crystals.

Victory dinners commemorating vanquished enemies abound in Peyroux. Celebrations, date nights, and parties are common as well.

And sometimes you just need a fresh look, to appear sleek, untouchable, unknowable. On days like this, guests travel to Bat Heart Spa, sit in a chair, pick up a magazine, and simply say, “Make me terrifying.”

Bat Heart Spa postcard (set of 3)

Bat Heart Spa postcard (set of 3) ($3.75)

Evil is hard work! Recharge your energies with a mud bath.
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