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Vending machines are the lifeblood of dungeon adventurers, guardians, and monsters. Stocked with hot meals, healing potions, and all manner of gear, they can keep you alive— but they are often mischievous. Beware!

Recent unusual finds include:

  • A checkbook that draws from your blood instead of your bank account. Don’t overdraw!
  • A pouch that, when opened, hurls a cream pie.
  • A potion that gives you super hearing but makes your ear hair grow rapidly. Ear beards in minutes!
  • A candle that burns cold— no heat! It slowly draws on your lifeforce, so while it provides light, it could end you. Be careful!
Sleepy Mermaid shirt

Sleepy Mermaid shirt ($25.00)

Don't mind me, just going to curl up on this kelp bed for a snooze.
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