The Old Orc & Hill Dwarf

The Old Orc & Hill Dwarf is a furiously dangerous tavern with a well earned reputation for bar fights. Run by Putrid and Potbelly, husbands, the aforementioned orc and hill dwarf the tavern is named after, the building is burned or torn down about once a month during a brawl.

Roadside rough-and-tumble taverns tend to be held together with grease, filth, and ill intent, but because Orc & Dwarf is destroyed so frequently, it is never upright long enough to get terribly dirty. The owners have deeds for three property lots on Mountain Crumble Path, the road the tavern is on. One site is used to store tools and lumbar, while the other two, across from each other, house either the current tavern or the replacement under construction.

A few years ago, the pace of fighting got thrown off and a truce among patrons had to be called for two weeks. The new tavern wasn’t ready and the old had already collapsed. Considered possibly the darkest time in the Orc & Dwarf’s history, the patrons consented but grumbled mightily and, years later, use the memory of this tragedy as a pickup line to fight.

The food is surprisingly good and very hearty. Mostly stews and roasts, the menu is limited but lovingly prepared. Depending on which side of the street the current tavern is on, it is made by Putrid or Potbelly and served by the other. Patrons who announce a preference often ignite the ire of one of the opposite chef, another common fighting pickup line.

The drink menu is similarly limited in scope but each serving is mighty in size. Every night, rounds of arm wrestling contests are held with the tavern owners. If a patron wins, they drink for free for a week. But if they lose, they have to buy a round for the entire tavern.

A “non-fighting” section is available for anyone without an appetite for brawling that find themselves passing through the mountains and in need for a place to rest.

Splashy Birthday greeting card

Splashy Birthday greeting card ($1.50)

Mermaids love cake, often baking them as large as themselves to celebrate a birthday.
View In Store