Thieves in the Night

Editor’s note: The final of this article was stolen and then repurchased via the methods mentioned within.

The Purple Paw Thievery is a loosely organized association of magical rabbits that steal. One might desire a noun to complete the thought — steal shoes, steal carrots, steal money — but in reality, the Paws will steal literally anything they can. Aside from shoes, carrots, and money, they have stolen food, beds, even entire buildings. If you can name it, they have purloined at least one.

The act and art of acquisition drives the Paws, but ownership is boring and considered temporary. Stolen goods are easily reacquired as negations end quickly — spare time in a lap, offer a snack, or tell a story.

The rabbits of the Purple Paws are magical. This not only allows them to talk it gives them strength and tremendous speed. Scientists attempted to figure out if they can teleport or if they simply move faster than sight, but the Paws kept pressing their nose into the camera lens, stealing the equipment, and generally vanishing.

There isn’t a hierarchy to the Paws as each thinks of itself as the leader. The only rule seems to be an unbreakable trust between all members. All loot (until returned) is shared equally, an easy feat when the goal is food and attention (and the pure enjoyment brought on by stealing).

Culturally speaking, the Purple Paws are an integral part of the Netherworld. They never steal anything sentimenal or essential in value so it is easy to enjoy their antics. The hardest-hearted heroes occasionally attempt to arrest the Paws or get others in on their anti-thieving rabbit platform, but they are summarily ignored.

The Purple Paw Thievery is a wonderful, terrible, mischievous group. Dealing with them is easy. Just kiss them gently on their fuzzy heads and begin negotiations with the promise of candied carrots.

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