Roast Kobold

Late spring and summer scream “roast kobold” to many dinner plates, but the meat can be tough. Though delicious in restaurants, home roast kobold is rarely as tasty.

The secret? Cursed swamp water, low arcane fire, lunar sea salt, marsh garlic, and twice the oleander you think you will need.

Buy a half pound (a little over 200 grams) per person per meal of raw kobold meat, your butcher will help you decide between green, blue, and orange cuts. Tell them what kind of monsters will be dining with you and the general types of meals they enjoy.

From there, soak the kobold meat in the cursed swamp water and lunar salt for at least 12 hours (24 is best if you have the time). Include two cloves of marsh garlic and three sprigs of oleander per serving, seal the pot, and bury in the dirt.

Roast, in the pot caked with dirt, in arcane fire— this is the difference many home chefs don’t know about. Eldritch fire is easier to control and is thus more popular, but a low blueberry blue arcane fire will sear the meat and then cook it evenly. Serve over oak leaves and garnish with rot cap mushrooms (and invite me when you do, I’m starving!)

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