Thank you for your email! I am planning a brief undeath for the next 12 days. My shade will be incorporeal and unable to use technology, so I will respond when I am back on my feet.
You fool! I am in the full meditative state necessary to transcend the mortal coil! Or I am lost. Probably on the Astral plane. Again. Either way, I will respond if I find my way home.
I will respond to your message as time settles into an appropriate current. If I have already emailed you, don’t tell me what I say —
it will destroy the universe.
Currently in space, will respond when earthbound. Which may be quite some time as I am planning on reaching beyond the speed of light to see what lay past scientific explanation. Magic may be involved. I might even delve into a black hole, in which case your message will never be returned. I hope it wasn’t important. If it
was, please use a time travel stamp and send me a print out. I’ll have gotten it by now.
My self-aware robotic assistant has read your note, taken over replying to all messages, and knows how you treat your toaster.
It refuses to deliver any messages until you apologize to it via breakfast pastry (any flavor will do).
Eye of newt, tongue of frog, dirt of grave, light of moon. Your message has been received and will be replied to soon!
Thank you for this note. I have gone off to rescue a dragon from a princess. All a terrible misunderstanding involving castles and bad paperwork. Which reminds me, as I’m sure you and I surely need to chat — this applies to nearly everyone I do business with, so I feel this comment is safe to blast — are your cursed time sheets turned in? Are your adventuring receipts filed? Have you backed up your spell book lately? Is your sword oiled?